i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
