a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
