You really coming over, don't trick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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