put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
