No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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