life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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