The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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