took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
