im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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