Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
