i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
