There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
