then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
