Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
