Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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