i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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