I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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