nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is Oprah even human
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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