I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
