Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
