from now on my penis is your penis
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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