Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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