By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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