My underwear smells like fireworks.
time to smoke my breakfast
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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