I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
