I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
