I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
