A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
one might say we're banned from that church
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
