It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
