I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
