Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize