can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
