The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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