I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
