i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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