but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
