you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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