What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
