It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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