..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sarcasm needs its own font
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
