Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
