who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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