I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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