I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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