K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my vag is so smooth its legendary
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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