Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize