That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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