The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
