Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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