You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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