If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
