The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
