People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
