i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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