We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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