Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize