so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
