You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
