3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
