There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Randomize