____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
