he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
