You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize